The Quirks of Being a War-flower

Hello, folks! How are you doing? Fine? It is me again with my new piece of blabbered thoughts.

Well, have you ever thought what it is like to be in a war zone? To be on your toes all the time while looking out for enemies armed with weapons.

Tell you what? You have been. Remember the last time when you stood up to you parents for the stream you want to choose not the one they have decided for you, you were in a war zone.

Or the time when you finally decided to let go of the turbulent relationship you were in or the person you love because you can't take it anymore, you were in a war zone.

The time when you lost someone so dear to you that you felt yourself going numb from the pain, my friend you have been there.

Don't get me wrong. By no means, I wish to belittle the struggles that a soldier faces at the border rather, what I aim to point at is, that aren't we all the same. Aren't we all stuck in our own war zones struggling to find our way out there.

Eventually though, we come out of it or at least get better at hadnling.

Well, in my case, it took me years to get to this point. A place where I am totally comfortable with my weird self. Where I can be comfortably hungry for more that life has to offer and say thank you at the least that I get. 

The journey though, has been an unexpectedly turbulent one.

It was around my middle school years when I realised I am different. From hobbies to preferences, I realised,  I just don't fit in. And that's when things started going haywire.

I would often get laughed at for my perceptions and views (that were often very different from others), so much that over the time, it became a kind of norm for me. Things turned even worse after that. It's like constantly floating in the river of guilt with nothing to hold on. No matter what I say, it is prone to be called stupid and that's what they made me feel too.

That phase, now that I remember it, had been a funny one. It ripped many of my perceptions into pieces and showed me things I wouldn't have seen, otherwise.

It ultimately shaped my conscience too. The guilt phase, when I would blame myself for being a weirdo that society cannot accept, transformed into today's reality of me still* being a weirdo, but one that has risen above the barriers of society's thoughtlessness. 'What would people think?' is no concern of mine anymore.

The ultimate 'Cycle of Acceptance', I think that's what people say it. You deny, then despise, get depressed, accept a little and finally, there comes a time when you understand that it is you who needs to love yourself the first, and the most.

Today, looking back, I find my life to be a beautiful piece of mess. There are so many things I wished I knew, but then I am more than grateful for not knowing them. Ignorance is bliss!

So now when people ask me, often surprised (and shocked) by my 'unusualness', exactly what I am, my reply stays very simple- A war-flower.

A person who has struggled her way through the mess. The ongoing war between your own sense of worth and the one, that is determined by others. The war of being staying true to yourself even at the expense of being ridiculed, or accepting the norms and let your  identity fade away. I know it all. And, I have decided to speak it out.

It might not the most amazing story you will ever read, but then you know what? It does not have to.

That's the quirk of being a war-flower. You come to realise that everything you have experienced (no matter how insignificant it is to others) has become a part of yourself. Your conscious starts flaring as you become remotely aware of other people's sufferings. Your empathetic self helps you to see both sides of the coins and of course, you realise you hate being with people a lot more than you used to.

The word 'people' becomes synonymous to 'trouble', something you would rather stay away from. And that's how you finally learn to be at peace with yourself.

Life is like that, and the best way to deal with it is, 'Stay Put'

Reminiscence (Part-1) I M BACK!

Hello, people!

Yup, Nikita is back. I know I already said my farewell a year ago, but there are just something you can't do or well in my case, you don't. The blog has been an endearingly embarrassing reminder of my past self; a naive, eccentric girl who just don't know when to give up. Even though it's just been a year, for me it feels like decades have passed. No, I am not exaggerating.

Nowadays it seems like my life has become some sort of crazy rollercoaster ride with me being the centre of this madness. A lot of things have happened since I stopped blogging. I got a job while I was in the third year of college ( Did I tell you I graduated? No? Yup, I am a graduate now! Soooo happy!) which I handled like a Bowse :P Yup, the job turned out to be the best decision of my life. It had been fun. Learned loads of things and unlearned tons, that I shouldn't have learned in the first place. Get it?

Can you guess what my profile was? Creative Writer! Yup, after going through  my previous blogs and tons of errors, I know it is hard to imagine that I can get into something as beautiful as writing. Well, I did. Earlier, I used to write for myself. It was the only way for me to release my pent up frustrations and pain. I never gave much thought to all the details a good piece of writing needs, punctuations and all. My vocab had been great (thanks to all the HBO movies I have seen) but my fundamentals is something I am still working on. No issues, we learn, we grow. And that's what happened.

My one year of working as a writer has taught me many things. I learned that I really, really love writing. Not just as a means to rant but as a miracle that makes me happy. I have grown from my apparent negativity and low self-esteem I had back then. And above everything else, I have learned to love myself.



Well, a lot had happened and  I am glad they did. There is a whole lot I want to share but I don't think one blog will be sufficient for that. So for now, I will be taking my leave. I will soon be back with some awesome blossom stories of my this crazy journey. Till then, cya folks. Take care, stay happy.



P.S.- The blog is going to be continued. This will be a place where I would share my thoughts, reminiscences, and musings. If you have something to share too, you are most welcomed. Comment to let me know your thoughts. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Sayonara. :)

Farewell !! :)

Hello people wassup??doing well?? well as always my title suggest wat exactly m gonna write , n today that will be ......"my last blog" :) well honestly i cant lie, n if uh wud read my few blogs uh wud know dat i write wat i feel....i dont write just fr the sake of writing .n since i have disclosed this blogs to few people i know.......i will really find it hard to write my heart out. :)
                       when i started writing this blog, i knew nothing about writing. i didnt know how to write everything within few words. my blogs usually were a large mess of wrds with no particular focus points.  It still hasnt change much loll but i m learning , maybe sumday i will be a good enough of a writer fr all of uh to read :)
    Anyways so this is gonna be my last blog today n i tell uh beforehand, srry fr the mistakes since m feeling really nostalgic right now. m not gonna recheck this piece again. :P srryyy :D Nostalgic fr wat?? uh must be thinking ..well for this blog ofcourse. since my first draft this blog has been my close companion  , it has been with me through all my odds. there were times wen this was my only salvation. For all the mess i have created here and for all the late updates...i still cherish each n every piece of my writing :) they r like my story book, a picture book which reminds me exactly wat i had been and wat m now... a friend who had always been there :).
                            I have always been an outcast ,a non confirmist, a psychotic crazy girl who just does not fit. No matter how much i try....m unusual and downright insane n thats sumthing i have to live with . maybe thats why i have to try more as compared to other people out there. to just not start hating myself. maybe this blog is just symbolic to that. i know i have to start anew, but maybe thats for better. i will create a new blog and this time will write things out in proper n better way. 
                        Its said that the hardest thing in this world is to accept urself just as uh r n its true. people r gonna spit shit at uh, gonna condemn uhbutwe have to move on As Robert Frost rightly said ...."I can sum up life in three words 'life goes on'" n yes it does.wegrow up, we learn, we fall , we stand....i just wish it were not so hard :) but i know whatever is happening its for good so m gonna embrace my hardships, i will llearn from n grow up. 
            I just hope maybe someday, i will understand things better n will take on life as a "mature tough " lady. Maybe sumday i will finally embrace myself n maybe will not be ashamed of my uniqueness. Maybe Sumday........ :)
   
so yeah farewell people.this was my last draft.thankuh all for keeping up with me n my craziness all these days. i truly really love uh all :) take care sayonara !!!

Need to confirm!! :/

Hello people!! It had been really long right?? I know....was kind of busy with exams n all :D .So yeah m little tired and hence will try to keep this as short as possible :).
                        As the title suggests, m gonna talk about ...well people i guess. Ohkay so i have this friend who is Gujarati , belongs to a very orthodox or at least a very traditional kinda family n guess what ?? Her parents have started fretting over her marriage already :P.So basically if uh r an Indian uh would know what exactly i m talking about .Here in India, marriage is quite a serious issue (n there is nothing bad about it really) ,specially if uh r a woman. Ultimately even in modern India (i dunno if i should even consider it modern ..i mean this is practically an insult to word "modern" no ?? :P) ,a woman's worth is still seen by her marital status. At least in a family like hers . Arrange marriages are quite common in India....n that's exactly what's happening here.    
                                                     A few number of guys has already been arranged for her to meet  (of course by her parents :P) n now she is devastated :P Great just great no?? Now all of uh would ask what's wrong with that?? it does happen here in India right??...n i would say that yes it does. But the thing is here its not as simple as marriage in.... i dunno perhaps west. With marriage here comes a lot of responsibilities because unlike west here in east. children living with their parents is a normal phenomenon ..n then they are expected to take care of them in their old age which again in my opinion they should :) ( I m completely alright with this yeah).but the thing is.,..it make things complicated fr women. Especially if uh r just 21 :P yeahhhh .....she is 21 :/
                                                          For instance ,my friend who is from a traditional typical gujju family n is gonna marry into one as well , will be supposed to say goodbye to her future plans for studying further n doing PhD or something :P Chances are that she will be married way before graduating :P ,Since her parents are in such a hurry to get her married . Anyways so yeah then she will be a full time homemaker (M using term "home maker" rather than "housewife" because i believe they r really awsum....they leave everything to provide us the comfy, nurturing environment :) they really make homes) and please her hubby's parents since she will be living with them . The thing is Indian societies are quite harsh with the new additions to the family n can be quite inflexible :/. It all would have been alright too.....if its not for her happiness . Goshh she is just 21 ...for god sake....n all the people are like hell bent on burdening her with this huge responsibility that comes with marriage :\
                                         Yesterday i went to her house n she was really really upset. She said that she probably would not be able to finish graduation either,which she really wanna do. When i asked her...why does she not tell uncle n aunt about that, she said that its in her "kundli" . Either she will get married early or very late n by that i mean she should be married by 22-23 or else the marriage prospect will be postponed for kinda 7-8 years..which according to her is too long for a gujju girl. Hence she has to be married by next year n this all lead to me thinking about this whole issue logically hehe.

The first question is ....whats wrong with marriage after 25??? for many Indian community ..its practically a crime for a woman being 27 n still unmarried. I think its not only about India ,its about east . In china there is a term called "leftover women". Google it out if uh want to. So yeah usually when we ask parents about why it is like that?? The answer is simple!! Because that's how society works :P Its been happening since ages n hence its "Right"and "The ultimate truth" :P People wont even consider the trauma they r subjecting their daughters to...because well that's how society works :P If the society says that women who get raped..get raped because of girls wearing short skirts, or them going out after 7 pm or them going out without a guy or even a chowmein etc etc (god how fucking ridiculous this can be), then its the ultimate truth :P . Don't even think about teaching men to be appropriate or even consider them guilty . Whyyyy?? because that's been happening in India since ages .Even thats what our dear Bollywood portrays, really :P (Thank god its changing now,,,slowly but definitely). I wonder why people blame society when they are actually a part of it. Yes society is comprised of us,by people like us so why it is so frightening to even think about expressing ourselves??
                  Yesterday i asked my mom that why is it that people have lost their compassion?? why they just don't care nowadays?? n she said because people are just dat ... "people" . They are like a herd of sheep with no one to lead. They believe what they are said to...n are often unkind or unappreciative of people who don't agree with them. India is about unity in diversity ,but honestly its just a mask. U don't have to do much to create a drift among people. Say something bad about their community n uh r all set. They wont blink twice before reacting. Well sorry if i m using India again n again, but i cant say anything about other places because i have never been there. Though m sure "racism" is something which is prevailed pretty much everywhere :P. Its really like a crime to not agree with the crowd n have your own opinions nowadays. God forbid if uh actually dare to express them :P Why?? Exactly why there is such a need to confirm?? Change doesn't happen like dat ,at least not certainly by following the same obsolete traditions n values which are outdated. I completely agree that our traditions are our roots n we must value them. But time changes n we must keep in mind that even machinery need modifications from time to time,then why not us?? Things need to change :P Just because it has been happening n thats why it should be followed seems like an idiotic reason to me. Lol no no..don't question you stupid people.. its tradition "shhhh". Dont think if its good or bad, right or wrong.,,because thinking is irrelevant n idiotic n only fools do that  okay?? :P
                               If the things which has been happening is right then why is there so much misery?? why as being a woman i does not feel safe going out?? why i feel sad wen my friend says she wants to complete her graduation but cant?? Something is definitely wrong with the equation here :P
                                          I think its the big time that we stop blindly following the crowd n start questioning our ways. Start thinking as an individual with progressive views.....maybe then things will start moving :) What we need right now is empathy, which we sadly have lost. Empathy for others (regardless of their religion or gender) , empathy for animals, for everything . Lets express ourselves....n be there to listen to others too. It should always be a two way street with this. Lets try to make things better and leave behind this need to confirm :) BE ORIGINAL ;) Sayonara :*
       

Why Iñdïá ñèèds f3mîñîßm !! :¶

Hey guys wassup?? Hw r uh all doing?? Hopefully well?? :)
        Well as the title suggests today m gonna talk about feminism :p ohkk before uh all start freaking out saying ...."ohhh hell no....not another one of those crazy bitches" :p let me me make it clear :p there is a difference between a feminist n a feminazi :p n so I wanna humbly assure u all that m not a manhating, extremist feminazi bt rather a peace loving, freedom loving lil gal who just wanna be treated with respect n modesty in this male dominated hypocritical society we are living in :)
         Today I was sitting with my batchmates n we were talking about stuffs n suddenly I don't exactly remember why but one of the guy commented about how girls are less "intelligent" than guys :p n before I can reprimand him for this....one of my female friend agreed to that shit saying he is right -_- I mean seriously?? WTF was dat.
              Its already so hard to break the stereotype about girls being weaker sex n less capable than guys.....n now girls saying that thing is even more discouraging :/  I mean how the hell the situation is gonna get better if the main participant quit before the game even starts :p
           I know there are gals out there who want to try the age old technique of a happy life (which m not even sure works) i.e marrying a rich guy n spend his money :p (dare I tell uh, i have few girls like that in my friend circle)  but then there are girls like me too :p who wanna earn money ,status n all that shit by myself..now don't forget that >_< how can someone judge a whole species just like that n  saying that girls just want money bcozz they can't earn it :p
             N that is exactly why India needs feminism :p n mind i tell uh its probably a lil different than America...well just a lil :p India needs feminism not because men think that women are dumb (who gives a fishhhhh about them anyways ;) )  but rather because women are brainwashed enough to think that they are dumb  :p because women n men alike thinks that being harrased by catcalls n lil bit touching here n dere in public places is absolutely normal n it is something a gal shudnt mind DAT much :p . Because women thinks that it is okay for a guy to have double standards n date other girls while lecturing their sisters about how it is absolutely horrible to date a guy because apni izzat to apne hath hoti h "ladki" :p , Feminism is needed in India because guys thinks that calling a girl "Item" ,"Tota" , "Maal" increase her dignity 10 times over n there is nothing wrong with it ..while girls pride over being called a "TOTTA  :p , well this point might not be just about India but all the other countries as well ...where calling names using female synonyms is nothing to be bothered about whether it is about "ma*******" "r**d" "t*** maa ki ***#" or about *motherf*****" etc .It is women degrading uh know DAT?? Oh uh never noticed before?? ....ohh that's fine nobody does ^_^ not even women bcozz hey gals are bzzy calling other gals names :p
            I think its big time that we girls come to our senses n stop being a nonsense :p yes being a nonsense because everytime a woman call other women names or agree with guys while they are doing that....its stupid :p yesss don't give out that women empowerment n equality shit while doing the exactly opposite  :p n for the heroes of the story :p Will it be too much for uh all "mards" to stop being one n be a "human" first?? . Will it be too much for uh all to not open doors for us but rather open ur mouth n say something good??
         Respect n a genuine compliment is not too much fr uh all right?? :p
Anyways so yeah ....I can go on n on n on about this  but let it be for today no?? :D I don't want uh all to fall asleep here....so will continue this sum other time :)
               Till then let's try to bring the change by being one....sayonara ;)

Bôrîñg Ràmblîñgs ;p

Hey guys was sup?? How r uh all doing?? ;) well m really tired right now so m gonna keep this short :) so yes the world celebrated Valentine's day two days ago....well I had a lunch party with my friends n we were celebrating in a small cozy  downtown restaurant .
                 The most interesting thing to see was numbers n numbers of policemen all around the city, roaming here n there (as if there is nothing more important than catching innocent couples n getting them married ) :p There were check post  everywhere n they would just ask all the by passers to stop just to see whether they are couple or not n if yes then, are they married or not ?? Lolll it was hilarious to see how much they are all concerned with this Valentine thing....when there are more pressing topics out there . :p but sadly that's not the case.....I guess BCoz fr them ,it is more important to stop this supposed to be nonsense (love) than stopping the actual one( rape, eve teasing , pissing in public etc etc mind uh) ;p ohhh yes being humiliated n getting eve teased by those creepy unknown men on the roads n have them ogling all over uh is not that big deal right??
           Anyways so yeah i enjoyed a lot ( of course I have such a sweet n loving friends) :* but the whole time this scenario kept repeating in my mind n I was left wondering that no matter how much pride I take about being a part of this youngistan n no matter how much modern n developed we claim ourselves to be....that incident showed an entirely different picture to me :/ We are still far behind from that ideal country our great leaders wanted it to be !! Because people are having their issues n sentiment lying in the wrong places , Because people just don't care, Because " is desh ka much nahi ho payega bhaiya"  :p
                 Its time to understand our priorities , to recognize them n implement them where they are actually needed !! Its time to make the country a lil more safer for the females n let them grow :) Its time to follow rules. Its time to set out fr a change n for that the first thing is to understand What should be given more importance than these petty matters out there :p
           Anyways there are so many things I really want to write right now.....but it seems like m out of energy so yeah sayonara to all ,take care :)

Jèálôüs €ñôûgh??

Well hello folks!!!! Wassup?? How are you all doing?? Its again been so long since I have written here.....well exams r over so m looking fr a part-time right now...let's see what happens ;)
                Anyways so today I am gonna talk about something which we all have felt and experienced at one point or other in our life :D yup!! Jealousy :/
          
Well being honest I get jealous very easily n I accept the fact that I have practically envied every effin person in my life who have outdone me in something lol (including my friends :p)....so I was really curious if all of you who are reading this post have gone through the same?? Have uh ever envied your friend for being a better dancer or singer ??or maybe  envied their capabilities for being so effin good in literally everything they do??
         Well I have this friend of mine and she is just effin perfect . she is a good dancer,a good singer ,have good dressing sense n on the top of that a looker ;) I just envy her so much.....n the bad thing is its getting to me. Though she don't know about this but I feel like a bad person every time i compliment her on something because i feel like m lying and hiding this sheer jealousy behind my facade. 
          Well as a result it slowly started to drift us apart lolll sounds so cliche right ;) but yeah I had this issue here and I had to deal with it.
        
                Well its not an easy thing to do certainly ...but one have to start somewhere right?? The first thing that i did was....I started pretending .(really u should try that too :D it works ) Not pretending to be happy but to be genuine in my compliments :)  I have read somewhere that keep pretending and it will turn into reality or some stuff :p lol so trying ;)
             Another thing one can do is take this emotion positively.... Or if u are a Capricorn uh can take this as a challenge ;) n improve urself !! Turn it into a driving force that will help you to be something far better :) I did that n it works . I asked her help n she helped me with my dance thing ....I dance a lot better now thnxx to her ^_^
                       Well ultimately m at peace with myself. Even though I still feel a streak of this negative emotion , I know how to deal with it!! With time we come to understand that nobody is perfect ...we all have our faults but our perseverance n patience can bring us a long way. M getting better day by day...n its the best feeling one can have :) growing n to know that some day uh will be mature enough to see beyond anyone's perfections and faults and understand the better meaning of it ,the real person  ...I mean that's lyf right??
The show must go on ;) sayonara :*