Friday, September 19, 2014

Happy Endings :(

She knew..... this feeling was there since morning......this restlessness , now as she is picking out her outfit for the evening , she is still restless and dreading!! dreading what?? she don't know.
She choose her favourite dress....the one she had saved up for a whole month....she still remember how much she liked it ,From the very first time she had her eyes on that dress. She wanted to buy it  but she knew she couldn't afford it...."so what" she had thought...after awl life had never been easy on her...she smiles sadly. "I will buy that" she thought with determination n she did :) after months of saving ...she finally saved up enough to buy it . She can still feel it..the pride when she wore that dress for the first time , she knew even though life had never been fair to her, she always finds her way. That's the way she is, proud n elegant... even with all the imperfections she has .

She is unbreakable or that's what she has always thought but is she really?? Right now at the moment, as she is dressing up for the day she had waited for so long..she is not sure . she never thought that a mere phone call can affect her so much, so hard...that she is scared . She curls her hair, put on some makeup 'not too bright not too dull' just the way she likes it or rather he likes it .She chose the best pair of footwear, those platform heels he had bought for her on their fourth valentine....she was so happy then.....
               She is all ready now...so why is she not feeling like it?? The happiness, the excitement....nothing. there is nothing more she can do, she is tired now.
                  As she is preparing to leave .....she knows, she cant hide anymore....even if she is breaking  inside, she have to face it. she pulls out her car from the garage and drive to the place they have decided to meet . After parking her vehicle as she enters the room...her eyes roam around for a while searching for his curly tousled hair which she adores so much and then it happens she spots him, their eyes meet ....she is watching him as he is watching her, strolling across the room to his table.Her footsteps are heavy but she kept walking and then there she is ....standing in front of him. she smiled but he didn't return it. Her heart sink for a bit but she keep smiling.

She pulls the chair n take the seat. They look at each other n now she know, that she is not strong, strong enough to face this, the regrets in his eyes, the way they are refusing to meet hers, the way he is trying to look at anything but her, now suddenly she wished she wasn't here....anywhere but here :/
                           She smile at him again, pretending to be fine as the waitress take their order. she just ask for a cup of coffee, she is not hungry anymore.....she waits for few minutes, she wants him to say something.....after few more minutes which seems like hours , he ask her if she is fine and there she is with a lump in her throat and being the brave girl she has always been she replied "yes"
 .
   The waitress who has returned with their coffee...place them on the table n leaves hurriedly. 'May be she knows it too' she thinks bitterly. He speak again but once again the words are stuck in his throat.....she knew it, this is hard for a guy like him.to hurt someone else after awl this had always been his nature and this is the quality which had made her ,"a girl who swear to never love sum one " fall in love with him. n now that's what breaking her. The word she used to hate so much..."love". She didn't remember Wat actually love is..how could she?? an orphan who was disowned  by her parents , was left to fend for herself  in this cruel world, how can she know Wat it actually  feels to be loved, to be taken care of,....but she did!! she survived those harsh years and today being known as one of the best doctors in the city..she is happy!! she finally stand up on her feet, all proud n merry . Never once the thought of being shattered crossed her mind but here she is again, struggling to keep up with the facade of indifference she had created in front of the man she thought will never hurt her, a man she loves unconditionally.....she don't want to cry,no  not in front of him. She don't want him to know how much power he actually has over her...so she is smiling. Even though she is breaking , shattering she is smiling.

He is trying to say something but again renders speechless..finally she decides that she will spare him,... for the sake of his happiness... she will spare him of this situation!! she stands up n stay there for few seconds just watching him..taking him in....just.one last time, remembering all those days when things were lovely.. She noticed the untouched cup of coffee which was once an evidence of their blooming friendship...after awl this place was where they had met for the first time . She smiles one last time....and very lightly.. she whispers  "I understand" then turn around to leave......he didn't stop her..... n just like that everything ended. None of them said anything....to save whatever that was left between them...no one dared...afterawl

          True goodbyes are the ones which are left unsaid :(

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