The Quirks of Being a War-flower

Hello, folks! How are you doing? Fine? It is me again with my new piece of blabbered thoughts.

Well, have you ever thought what it is like to be in a war zone? To be on your toes all the time while looking out for enemies armed with weapons.

Tell you what? You have been. Remember the last time when you stood up to you parents for the stream you want to choose not the one they have decided for you, you were in a war zone.

Or the time when you finally decided to let go of the turbulent relationship you were in or the person you love because you can't take it anymore, you were in a war zone.

The time when you lost someone so dear to you that you felt yourself going numb from the pain, my friend you have been there.

Don't get me wrong. By no means, I wish to belittle the struggles that a soldier faces at the border rather, what I aim to point at is, that aren't we all the same. Aren't we all stuck in our own war zones struggling to find our way out there.

Eventually though, we come out of it or at least get better at hadnling.

Well, in my case, it took me years to get to this point. A place where I am totally comfortable with my weird self. Where I can be comfortably hungry for more that life has to offer and say thank you at the least that I get. 

The journey though, has been an unexpectedly turbulent one.

It was around my middle school years when I realised I am different. From hobbies to preferences, I realised,  I just don't fit in. And that's when things started going haywire.

I would often get laughed at for my perceptions and views (that were often very different from others), so much that over the time, it became a kind of norm for me. Things turned even worse after that. It's like constantly floating in the river of guilt with nothing to hold on. No matter what I say, it is prone to be called stupid and that's what they made me feel too.

That phase, now that I remember it, had been a funny one. It ripped many of my perceptions into pieces and showed me things I wouldn't have seen, otherwise.

It ultimately shaped my conscience too. The guilt phase, when I would blame myself for being a weirdo that society cannot accept, transformed into today's reality of me still* being a weirdo, but one that has risen above the barriers of society's thoughtlessness. 'What would people think?' is no concern of mine anymore.

The ultimate 'Cycle of Acceptance', I think that's what people say it. You deny, then despise, get depressed, accept a little and finally, there comes a time when you understand that it is you who needs to love yourself the first, and the most.

Today, looking back, I find my life to be a beautiful piece of mess. There are so many things I wished I knew, but then I am more than grateful for not knowing them. Ignorance is bliss!

So now when people ask me, often surprised (and shocked) by my 'unusualness', exactly what I am, my reply stays very simple- A war-flower.

A person who has struggled her way through the mess. The ongoing war between your own sense of worth and the one, that is determined by others. The war of being staying true to yourself even at the expense of being ridiculed, or accepting the norms and let your  identity fade away. I know it all. And, I have decided to speak it out.

It might not the most amazing story you will ever read, but then you know what? It does not have to.

That's the quirk of being a war-flower. You come to realise that everything you have experienced (no matter how insignificant it is to others) has become a part of yourself. Your conscious starts flaring as you become remotely aware of other people's sufferings. Your empathetic self helps you to see both sides of the coins and of course, you realise you hate being with people a lot more than you used to.

The word 'people' becomes synonymous to 'trouble', something you would rather stay away from. And that's how you finally learn to be at peace with yourself.

Life is like that, and the best way to deal with it is, 'Stay Put'

Reminiscence (Part-1) I M BACK!

Hello, people!

Yup, Nikita is back. I know I already said my farewell a year ago, but there are just something you can't do or well in my case, you don't. The blog has been an endearingly embarrassing reminder of my past self; a naive, eccentric girl who just don't know when to give up. Even though it's just been a year, for me it feels like decades have passed. No, I am not exaggerating.

Nowadays it seems like my life has become some sort of crazy rollercoaster ride with me being the centre of this madness. A lot of things have happened since I stopped blogging. I got a job while I was in the third year of college ( Did I tell you I graduated? No? Yup, I am a graduate now! Soooo happy!) which I handled like a Bowse :P Yup, the job turned out to be the best decision of my life. It had been fun. Learned loads of things and unlearned tons, that I shouldn't have learned in the first place. Get it?

Can you guess what my profile was? Creative Writer! Yup, after going through  my previous blogs and tons of errors, I know it is hard to imagine that I can get into something as beautiful as writing. Well, I did. Earlier, I used to write for myself. It was the only way for me to release my pent up frustrations and pain. I never gave much thought to all the details a good piece of writing needs, punctuations and all. My vocab had been great (thanks to all the HBO movies I have seen) but my fundamentals is something I am still working on. No issues, we learn, we grow. And that's what happened.

My one year of working as a writer has taught me many things. I learned that I really, really love writing. Not just as a means to rant but as a miracle that makes me happy. I have grown from my apparent negativity and low self-esteem I had back then. And above everything else, I have learned to love myself.



Well, a lot had happened and  I am glad they did. There is a whole lot I want to share but I don't think one blog will be sufficient for that. So for now, I will be taking my leave. I will soon be back with some awesome blossom stories of my this crazy journey. Till then, cya folks. Take care, stay happy.



P.S.- The blog is going to be continued. This will be a place where I would share my thoughts, reminiscences, and musings. If you have something to share too, you are most welcomed. Comment to let me know your thoughts. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Sayonara. :)

Farewell !! :)

Hello people wassup??doing well?? well as always my title suggest wat exactly m gonna write , n today that will be ......"my last blog" :) well honestly i cant lie, n if uh wud read my few blogs uh wud know dat i write wat i feel....i dont write just fr the sake of writing .n since i have disclosed this blogs to few people i know.......i will really find it hard to write my heart out. :)
                       when i started writing this blog, i knew nothing about writing. i didnt know how to write everything within few words. my blogs usually were a large mess of wrds with no particular focus points.  It still hasnt change much loll but i m learning , maybe sumday i will be a good enough of a writer fr all of uh to read :)
    Anyways so this is gonna be my last blog today n i tell uh beforehand, srry fr the mistakes since m feeling really nostalgic right now. m not gonna recheck this piece again. :P srryyy :D Nostalgic fr wat?? uh must be thinking ..well for this blog ofcourse. since my first draft this blog has been my close companion  , it has been with me through all my odds. there were times wen this was my only salvation. For all the mess i have created here and for all the late updates...i still cherish each n every piece of my writing :) they r like my story book, a picture book which reminds me exactly wat i had been and wat m now... a friend who had always been there :).
                            I have always been an outcast ,a non confirmist, a psychotic crazy girl who just does not fit. No matter how much i try....m unusual and downright insane n thats sumthing i have to live with . maybe thats why i have to try more as compared to other people out there. to just not start hating myself. maybe this blog is just symbolic to that. i know i have to start anew, but maybe thats for better. i will create a new blog and this time will write things out in proper n better way. 
                        Its said that the hardest thing in this world is to accept urself just as uh r n its true. people r gonna spit shit at uh, gonna condemn uhbutwe have to move on As Robert Frost rightly said ...."I can sum up life in three words 'life goes on'" n yes it does.wegrow up, we learn, we fall , we stand....i just wish it were not so hard :) but i know whatever is happening its for good so m gonna embrace my hardships, i will llearn from n grow up. 
            I just hope maybe someday, i will understand things better n will take on life as a "mature tough " lady. Maybe sumday i will finally embrace myself n maybe will not be ashamed of my uniqueness. Maybe Sumday........ :)
   
so yeah farewell people.this was my last draft.thankuh all for keeping up with me n my craziness all these days. i truly really love uh all :) take care sayonara !!!

Need to confirm!! :/

Hello people!! It had been really long right?? I know....was kind of busy with exams n all :D .So yeah m little tired and hence will try to keep this as short as possible :).
                        As the title suggests, m gonna talk about ...well people i guess. Ohkay so i have this friend who is Gujarati , belongs to a very orthodox or at least a very traditional kinda family n guess what ?? Her parents have started fretting over her marriage already :P.So basically if uh r an Indian uh would know what exactly i m talking about .Here in India, marriage is quite a serious issue (n there is nothing bad about it really) ,specially if uh r a woman. Ultimately even in modern India (i dunno if i should even consider it modern ..i mean this is practically an insult to word "modern" no ?? :P) ,a woman's worth is still seen by her marital status. At least in a family like hers . Arrange marriages are quite common in India....n that's exactly what's happening here.    
                                                     A few number of guys has already been arranged for her to meet  (of course by her parents :P) n now she is devastated :P Great just great no?? Now all of uh would ask what's wrong with that?? it does happen here in India right??...n i would say that yes it does. But the thing is here its not as simple as marriage in.... i dunno perhaps west. With marriage here comes a lot of responsibilities because unlike west here in east. children living with their parents is a normal phenomenon ..n then they are expected to take care of them in their old age which again in my opinion they should :) ( I m completely alright with this yeah).but the thing is.,..it make things complicated fr women. Especially if uh r just 21 :P yeahhhh .....she is 21 :/
                                                          For instance ,my friend who is from a traditional typical gujju family n is gonna marry into one as well , will be supposed to say goodbye to her future plans for studying further n doing PhD or something :P Chances are that she will be married way before graduating :P ,Since her parents are in such a hurry to get her married . Anyways so yeah then she will be a full time homemaker (M using term "home maker" rather than "housewife" because i believe they r really awsum....they leave everything to provide us the comfy, nurturing environment :) they really make homes) and please her hubby's parents since she will be living with them . The thing is Indian societies are quite harsh with the new additions to the family n can be quite inflexible :/. It all would have been alright too.....if its not for her happiness . Goshh she is just 21 ...for god sake....n all the people are like hell bent on burdening her with this huge responsibility that comes with marriage :\
                                         Yesterday i went to her house n she was really really upset. She said that she probably would not be able to finish graduation either,which she really wanna do. When i asked her...why does she not tell uncle n aunt about that, she said that its in her "kundli" . Either she will get married early or very late n by that i mean she should be married by 22-23 or else the marriage prospect will be postponed for kinda 7-8 years..which according to her is too long for a gujju girl. Hence she has to be married by next year n this all lead to me thinking about this whole issue logically hehe.

The first question is ....whats wrong with marriage after 25??? for many Indian community ..its practically a crime for a woman being 27 n still unmarried. I think its not only about India ,its about east . In china there is a term called "leftover women". Google it out if uh want to. So yeah usually when we ask parents about why it is like that?? The answer is simple!! Because that's how society works :P Its been happening since ages n hence its "Right"and "The ultimate truth" :P People wont even consider the trauma they r subjecting their daughters to...because well that's how society works :P If the society says that women who get raped..get raped because of girls wearing short skirts, or them going out after 7 pm or them going out without a guy or even a chowmein etc etc (god how fucking ridiculous this can be), then its the ultimate truth :P . Don't even think about teaching men to be appropriate or even consider them guilty . Whyyyy?? because that's been happening in India since ages .Even thats what our dear Bollywood portrays, really :P (Thank god its changing now,,,slowly but definitely). I wonder why people blame society when they are actually a part of it. Yes society is comprised of us,by people like us so why it is so frightening to even think about expressing ourselves??
                  Yesterday i asked my mom that why is it that people have lost their compassion?? why they just don't care nowadays?? n she said because people are just dat ... "people" . They are like a herd of sheep with no one to lead. They believe what they are said to...n are often unkind or unappreciative of people who don't agree with them. India is about unity in diversity ,but honestly its just a mask. U don't have to do much to create a drift among people. Say something bad about their community n uh r all set. They wont blink twice before reacting. Well sorry if i m using India again n again, but i cant say anything about other places because i have never been there. Though m sure "racism" is something which is prevailed pretty much everywhere :P. Its really like a crime to not agree with the crowd n have your own opinions nowadays. God forbid if uh actually dare to express them :P Why?? Exactly why there is such a need to confirm?? Change doesn't happen like dat ,at least not certainly by following the same obsolete traditions n values which are outdated. I completely agree that our traditions are our roots n we must value them. But time changes n we must keep in mind that even machinery need modifications from time to time,then why not us?? Things need to change :P Just because it has been happening n thats why it should be followed seems like an idiotic reason to me. Lol no no..don't question you stupid people.. its tradition "shhhh". Dont think if its good or bad, right or wrong.,,because thinking is irrelevant n idiotic n only fools do that  okay?? :P
                               If the things which has been happening is right then why is there so much misery?? why as being a woman i does not feel safe going out?? why i feel sad wen my friend says she wants to complete her graduation but cant?? Something is definitely wrong with the equation here :P
                                          I think its the big time that we stop blindly following the crowd n start questioning our ways. Start thinking as an individual with progressive views.....maybe then things will start moving :) What we need right now is empathy, which we sadly have lost. Empathy for others (regardless of their religion or gender) , empathy for animals, for everything . Lets express ourselves....n be there to listen to others too. It should always be a two way street with this. Lets try to make things better and leave behind this need to confirm :) BE ORIGINAL ;) Sayonara :*
       

Why Iñdïá ñèèds f3mîñîßm !! :¶

Hey guys wassup?? Hw r uh all doing?? Hopefully well?? :)
        Well as the title suggests today m gonna talk about feminism :p ohkk before uh all start freaking out saying ...."ohhh hell no....not another one of those crazy bitches" :p let me me make it clear :p there is a difference between a feminist n a feminazi :p n so I wanna humbly assure u all that m not a manhating, extremist feminazi bt rather a peace loving, freedom loving lil gal who just wanna be treated with respect n modesty in this male dominated hypocritical society we are living in :)
         Today I was sitting with my batchmates n we were talking about stuffs n suddenly I don't exactly remember why but one of the guy commented about how girls are less "intelligent" than guys :p n before I can reprimand him for this....one of my female friend agreed to that shit saying he is right -_- I mean seriously?? WTF was dat.
              Its already so hard to break the stereotype about girls being weaker sex n less capable than guys.....n now girls saying that thing is even more discouraging :/  I mean how the hell the situation is gonna get better if the main participant quit before the game even starts :p
           I know there are gals out there who want to try the age old technique of a happy life (which m not even sure works) i.e marrying a rich guy n spend his money :p (dare I tell uh, i have few girls like that in my friend circle)  but then there are girls like me too :p who wanna earn money ,status n all that shit by myself..now don't forget that >_< how can someone judge a whole species just like that n  saying that girls just want money bcozz they can't earn it :p
             N that is exactly why India needs feminism :p n mind i tell uh its probably a lil different than America...well just a lil :p India needs feminism not because men think that women are dumb (who gives a fishhhhh about them anyways ;) )  but rather because women are brainwashed enough to think that they are dumb  :p because women n men alike thinks that being harrased by catcalls n lil bit touching here n dere in public places is absolutely normal n it is something a gal shudnt mind DAT much :p . Because women thinks that it is okay for a guy to have double standards n date other girls while lecturing their sisters about how it is absolutely horrible to date a guy because apni izzat to apne hath hoti h "ladki" :p , Feminism is needed in India because guys thinks that calling a girl "Item" ,"Tota" , "Maal" increase her dignity 10 times over n there is nothing wrong with it ..while girls pride over being called a "TOTTA  :p , well this point might not be just about India but all the other countries as well ...where calling names using female synonyms is nothing to be bothered about whether it is about "ma*******" "r**d" "t*** maa ki ***#" or about *motherf*****" etc .It is women degrading uh know DAT?? Oh uh never noticed before?? ....ohh that's fine nobody does ^_^ not even women bcozz hey gals are bzzy calling other gals names :p
            I think its big time that we girls come to our senses n stop being a nonsense :p yes being a nonsense because everytime a woman call other women names or agree with guys while they are doing that....its stupid :p yesss don't give out that women empowerment n equality shit while doing the exactly opposite  :p n for the heroes of the story :p Will it be too much for uh all "mards" to stop being one n be a "human" first?? . Will it be too much for uh all to not open doors for us but rather open ur mouth n say something good??
         Respect n a genuine compliment is not too much fr uh all right?? :p
Anyways so yeah ....I can go on n on n on about this  but let it be for today no?? :D I don't want uh all to fall asleep here....so will continue this sum other time :)
               Till then let's try to bring the change by being one....sayonara ;)

Bôrîñg Ràmblîñgs ;p

Hey guys was sup?? How r uh all doing?? ;) well m really tired right now so m gonna keep this short :) so yes the world celebrated Valentine's day two days ago....well I had a lunch party with my friends n we were celebrating in a small cozy  downtown restaurant .
                 The most interesting thing to see was numbers n numbers of policemen all around the city, roaming here n there (as if there is nothing more important than catching innocent couples n getting them married ) :p There were check post  everywhere n they would just ask all the by passers to stop just to see whether they are couple or not n if yes then, are they married or not ?? Lolll it was hilarious to see how much they are all concerned with this Valentine thing....when there are more pressing topics out there . :p but sadly that's not the case.....I guess BCoz fr them ,it is more important to stop this supposed to be nonsense (love) than stopping the actual one( rape, eve teasing , pissing in public etc etc mind uh) ;p ohhh yes being humiliated n getting eve teased by those creepy unknown men on the roads n have them ogling all over uh is not that big deal right??
           Anyways so yeah i enjoyed a lot ( of course I have such a sweet n loving friends) :* but the whole time this scenario kept repeating in my mind n I was left wondering that no matter how much pride I take about being a part of this youngistan n no matter how much modern n developed we claim ourselves to be....that incident showed an entirely different picture to me :/ We are still far behind from that ideal country our great leaders wanted it to be !! Because people are having their issues n sentiment lying in the wrong places , Because people just don't care, Because " is desh ka much nahi ho payega bhaiya"  :p
                 Its time to understand our priorities , to recognize them n implement them where they are actually needed !! Its time to make the country a lil more safer for the females n let them grow :) Its time to follow rules. Its time to set out fr a change n for that the first thing is to understand What should be given more importance than these petty matters out there :p
           Anyways there are so many things I really want to write right now.....but it seems like m out of energy so yeah sayonara to all ,take care :)

Jèálôüs €ñôûgh??

Well hello folks!!!! Wassup?? How are you all doing?? Its again been so long since I have written here.....well exams r over so m looking fr a part-time right now...let's see what happens ;)
                Anyways so today I am gonna talk about something which we all have felt and experienced at one point or other in our life :D yup!! Jealousy :/
          
Well being honest I get jealous very easily n I accept the fact that I have practically envied every effin person in my life who have outdone me in something lol (including my friends :p)....so I was really curious if all of you who are reading this post have gone through the same?? Have uh ever envied your friend for being a better dancer or singer ??or maybe  envied their capabilities for being so effin good in literally everything they do??
         Well I have this friend of mine and she is just effin perfect . she is a good dancer,a good singer ,have good dressing sense n on the top of that a looker ;) I just envy her so much.....n the bad thing is its getting to me. Though she don't know about this but I feel like a bad person every time i compliment her on something because i feel like m lying and hiding this sheer jealousy behind my facade. 
          Well as a result it slowly started to drift us apart lolll sounds so cliche right ;) but yeah I had this issue here and I had to deal with it.
        
                Well its not an easy thing to do certainly ...but one have to start somewhere right?? The first thing that i did was....I started pretending .(really u should try that too :D it works ) Not pretending to be happy but to be genuine in my compliments :)  I have read somewhere that keep pretending and it will turn into reality or some stuff :p lol so trying ;)
             Another thing one can do is take this emotion positively.... Or if u are a Capricorn uh can take this as a challenge ;) n improve urself !! Turn it into a driving force that will help you to be something far better :) I did that n it works . I asked her help n she helped me with my dance thing ....I dance a lot better now thnxx to her ^_^
                       Well ultimately m at peace with myself. Even though I still feel a streak of this negative emotion , I know how to deal with it!! With time we come to understand that nobody is perfect ...we all have our faults but our perseverance n patience can bring us a long way. M getting better day by day...n its the best feeling one can have :) growing n to know that some day uh will be mature enough to see beyond anyone's perfections and faults and understand the better meaning of it ,the real person  ...I mean that's lyf right??
The show must go on ;) sayonara :*

A new learning experience :D

yo!! its been a while since i have been here :) well i wont say that i was busy.....but certainly i have my own ways of doing things :) i.e when i actually feel like it :D anyways..first of all hello ...well today had been a hectic day for me ....but there were incidents which had made the day fruitful :)
         Today we had been to "IBC 24" its a local but popular news channel here....n the experience was simply great :) before today i used to think that a job of a news reporter is pretty awesomely easy....but today i came to know how wrong i was actually....its a combined effort of an entire effing team to get that news to us. Hours of nonstop working that's what gives us the results what we watch on TV !! 
                                                      Anyways there was this very cute person...that i have liked the very moment i had set my eyes on ;) :P well after the whole "showing things around" scenario.....we all gathered in their conference room...and then he introduced himself to us!! i came to know that he was the in charge of marketing and research and development  department. later after brief introduction...we all asked him few questions about the place, job opportunities and all......after all that it was actually amusing to see how we all had jumped from being professional to utterly familiar and informal people . n it was fun!! 
        we had discussed a lot of thing to him...asked him sum very personal questions n everyone shared few things about them. It was really surprising for us when he said that how shy he was actually as a person n its was actually inspiring to learn that how can one evolve from being nothing to being so amiably smart just by trying. 
      "TRYING" it sounds so easy but in reality i think its the toughest thing to do specially when one has hopelessly given up :/ . I am very shy person though i m not introvert it is still very hard for a person like me to speak publicly...i always mess things up n its embarrassing :P anyways i have decided long ago to stop complaining things and start taking initiative .....so yeah that's what i m gonna do!! 
                                                
                   Sometimes we don't need a fairy godmother to show us the way..we just need to stop running, and see how every effing person we are surrounded by is effingly awsum. There is an inspiration everywhere :D so lets go out n explore the thing we want to explore, work on your weaknesses and turn them into your strength, lets do what we like and live our life...like no one had ever lived before (effingly cheerful ^_^)
 yeah so day was good...i have met few awesomely enchanting people, learned few thing about the technicalities about the new channels ;) n used another day of my life learning something new :) GN SD n Tc folks :*

Happy Endings :(

She knew..... this feeling was there since morning......this restlessness , now as she is picking out her outfit for the evening , she is still restless and dreading!! dreading what?? she don't know.
She choose her favourite dress....the one she had saved up for a whole month....she still remember how much she liked it ,From the very first time she had her eyes on that dress. She wanted to buy it  but she knew she couldn't afford it...."so what" she had thought...after awl life had never been easy on her...she smiles sadly. "I will buy that" she thought with determination n she did :) after months of saving ...she finally saved up enough to buy it . She can still feel it..the pride when she wore that dress for the first time , she knew even though life had never been fair to her, she always finds her way. That's the way she is, proud n elegant... even with all the imperfections she has .

She is unbreakable or that's what she has always thought but is she really?? Right now at the moment, as she is dressing up for the day she had waited for so long..she is not sure . she never thought that a mere phone call can affect her so much, so hard...that she is scared . She curls her hair, put on some makeup 'not too bright not too dull' just the way she likes it or rather he likes it .She chose the best pair of footwear, those platform heels he had bought for her on their fourth valentine....she was so happy then.....
               She is all ready now...so why is she not feeling like it?? The happiness, the excitement....nothing. there is nothing more she can do, she is tired now.
                  As she is preparing to leave .....she knows, she cant hide anymore....even if she is breaking  inside, she have to face it. she pulls out her car from the garage and drive to the place they have decided to meet . After parking her vehicle as she enters the room...her eyes roam around for a while searching for his curly tousled hair which she adores so much and then it happens she spots him, their eyes meet ....she is watching him as he is watching her, strolling across the room to his table.Her footsteps are heavy but she kept walking and then there she is ....standing in front of him. she smiled but he didn't return it. Her heart sink for a bit but she keep smiling.

She pulls the chair n take the seat. They look at each other n now she know, that she is not strong, strong enough to face this, the regrets in his eyes, the way they are refusing to meet hers, the way he is trying to look at anything but her, now suddenly she wished she wasn't here....anywhere but here :/
                           She smile at him again, pretending to be fine as the waitress take their order. she just ask for a cup of coffee, she is not hungry anymore.....she waits for few minutes, she wants him to say something.....after few more minutes which seems like hours , he ask her if she is fine and there she is with a lump in her throat and being the brave girl she has always been she replied "yes"
 .
   The waitress who has returned with their coffee...place them on the table n leaves hurriedly. 'May be she knows it too' she thinks bitterly. He speak again but once again the words are stuck in his throat.....she knew it, this is hard for a guy like him.to hurt someone else after awl this had always been his nature and this is the quality which had made her ,"a girl who swear to never love sum one " fall in love with him. n now that's what breaking her. The word she used to hate so much..."love". She didn't remember Wat actually love is..how could she?? an orphan who was disowned  by her parents , was left to fend for herself  in this cruel world, how can she know Wat it actually  feels to be loved, to be taken care of,....but she did!! she survived those harsh years and today being known as one of the best doctors in the city..she is happy!! she finally stand up on her feet, all proud n merry . Never once the thought of being shattered crossed her mind but here she is again, struggling to keep up with the facade of indifference she had created in front of the man she thought will never hurt her, a man she loves unconditionally.....she don't want to cry,no  not in front of him. She don't want him to know how much power he actually has over her...so she is smiling. Even though she is breaking , shattering she is smiling.

He is trying to say something but again renders speechless..finally she decides that she will spare him,... for the sake of his happiness... she will spare him of this situation!! she stands up n stay there for few seconds just watching him..taking him in....just.one last time, remembering all those days when things were lovely.. She noticed the untouched cup of coffee which was once an evidence of their blooming friendship...after awl this place was where they had met for the first time . She smiles one last time....and very lightly.. she whispers  "I understand" then turn around to leave......he didn't stop her..... n just like that everything ended. None of them said anything....to save whatever that was left between them...no one dared...afterawl

          True goodbyes are the ones which are left unsaid :(

People And Their Signs :P

Hiii folks!! well its has been nearly two weeks since i have written sum thing..here !! well ...i m not gonna say DAT i was bzzyyyy,,,,bcoz i was just slacking off!! heehee m very good at that :P well maybe its bcozz of the rains !! do uh hate rains?? i certainly do :P
                                                     I really cannot understand dat Wat's so romantic about it??  haha it reminds me of a friend who used to love rains n wen ever...i would say..."i hate rains" she would always be like..."Its because uh haven't fallen in love yet" i mean seriously?? o.O anyways.....m not blabbering here anymore....i know i can be damn annoying :P

Today i really haven't thought about anything to write.....well maybe i will talk today about my depressing side of life :P kidding ......:D its more about the types of people uh come across with and about the difficulties in understanding their reactions!!

Does it happens with uh?? :O well it happens with me all the time... :P often  leaves me perplexed of either i should say what i m feeling or just leave for the sake of the "peace of my mind"!! :P 
                 Like it was just other day.....i was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends n we were chatting happily...suddenly one of my friend....got angry and left  n we were all like...."WHAT THE HELL HAD HAPPENED" lol!! later they awl were after her....were trying to make her happy (they still didnt knw wat the hell had pissed her off :P :D) .....n she was like..."i don't care." "leave me alone" n awl. i could pretty much see how much she was enjoying awl the attention she was getting!! :D

well that was my friend....n i have a lot of other drama queens in my friends circle...its pretty entertaining :D uh know...it wasn't the first time...she had done something like dat ...n practically she was the reason i got into the astrology stuff in order to understand people's mind set!! haha well astro is not that simple.......but if uh by chance able to find out about one's sign....there are few things that can help uh out!!
The list goes like this :P :D
   
1. Symptoms :P = A mountain like ego, very fond of one ownselves, always talking about how awsum n beautiful, n incomparable they are, No matter how hard uh try...uh wont be able to budge their superiority complex :P always ends up either arguing or pissing off in practically every situation , will compete like never before...:P

RESULTS!! = if following are the symptoms of ur enigma aka "that person" He/she is probably either Aries, Leo or any other fire sign.... in many cases a Virgo with Aries or Leo as another sign :P 
Precautions=> avoid them :D uh have no other choice....no matter how awsum uh think uh r....with this personalities either uh will end up getting hurt...or end up being an outcast for life!! yeah ask y?? well practically they love to shine and people.. like them.....well alot :P  well unless uh have a Aquarius or Pisces personality that is  SAVE URSELF :p :D

2. Symptoms= free spirited people, talks alot, easy to talk but can be annoying n a little airhead !! have this disease of instability, extreme intelligence and hard to control and yeah a huge god complex :P

RESULTS =>uh have probably met an air sign..with awl the symptoms given above :P they are easy to deal with people mostly....but if uh r having a hard time dealing with one is probably bcoz.either uh r earth....{Instability + Stability = Boom} :P or another fire one...as uh have Ur own god complex to deal with after awl :P mostly fire n air are compatible...but as i said...astro is far more complex...there are a whole lot of factors that affects  :) so..the best way is agree with them or leave!! there is no point in arguing bcozz air people have solid ideals which cant be budged :P so either they will hurt uh (as fire one) or simply brush uh off!! bcozz they don't do with bullshits :D  Bcoz fr them uh r nt worth it :D

RECOMMENDATIONS= adjust with them ,,,they are witty smart n easy going people to hang out with!! so a little compromise is wont hurt i guess :D they will make Ur day ^_^

3. Symptoms= have a stick up in their asses, most hardworking people practically alive in this planet :P hard to budge from their thoughts and beliefs, super organised, very vocal about criticism, no bullshit type people :P very very conservative :P

RESULTS => if following are the symptoms of Ur problem...then congrats!! uh have found an earth sign!! As i have said "NO BULLSHIT PEOPLE" n i hate them :P even if i m a water sign ( it is said that water n earth are very compatible ) well mostly bcozzz i had very bad experiences with awl the earthly persons in my life! especially Virgo's!! well my suggestion wud be.....keep Ur mouth shut!! don't talk just bcozz uh have to..this can piss them off :P don't be rude to them....bcoz when they insults , believe me it stings (alot :D) try to be organised n perfect around them (bcoz they are the perfect people who hate embarrassments :P ) smells nice....make sure uh r not stinking :P don't argue with them...bcoz.they are calculating people and believe me....the arguments is never gonna end (uh will probably take the argument with uh to the grave :P lol) so yeah..if they like uh, be with them but if they dont..stay away unless uh fit in the given criteria :D

4. Symptoms= Crybabies ,clingy, extremely emotional, mama's children , love  romance,,,practically over flow with it, easy to be pushed , shy ,manipulative, compassionate, happy, charming  , homely, lovable, loyal, honest, psychic (they will practically tell uh if uh r faking....they will see through it and dude uh r gonna get it in the ass later :P ) and emotional mood swings :P

RESULTS=> The above symptoms belongs to a water sign!! they have awl the traits which i have mentioned above and can  be very clingy and possessive!! if uh r dealing with a person, who is very moody and hard to comprehend and will take uh to a guilty trip with them...then dude...uh r dealing with water  :P!!  the best way to deal with a water is to be honest with them..bcoz they value honesty!! if uh don't like them...say it so(try to be a little humble while doing so )..they will naturally back off !! don't try to fake bcozz they can see through it and will rip off Ur mask!! they can be bullied unless their feelings get freeze up n then be ready to go through hell...bcoz then the manipulative games starts n no matter how smart uh r....uh r gonna get it hard n harsh :P so...be honest...no matter if uh love or hate them n then everything is fine ;)

RECOMMENDATIONS=> if uh r befriends with them....then believe it,,,uh r lucky bcoz uh have the most compassionate n loyal companion n they will give uh the push wen ever it is needed!! bcozz this sign "supports" :)

So here it is!! a little description of signs though let me remind uh astrology have many factors,,!! there are different signs houses n awl !! but if uh r trying to figure out a complicated personality n wanna know how to handle them!! i think this basics will give uh a little idea..on how to approach them :) 

OK so m wrapping it up!! cya tc...buhbye  :D
P.S. = let me know if uh r confused or something :P ;) i will try my best to help uh out :)

VODKA N HONEY SINGHAAAA!! (Honey singh lovers please avoid) :)

hey Friends..!! i don't know if i shud write this or not bcoz..... for many people,it isn't going to be a Nice post!! well i just felt that i should write about this!! This may be my mindless blabbering or simply a piece of writing ....but still i wud appreciate if uh read it patiently!!

Its about The Awsum Trossum Mr YO YO HONEY SINGH  :P well if i have to describe him in one word then i wud say "Bastard" :P Don't get me  wrong..i like his music n awl but wen it comes to the lyrics "part"..well to me its down right "REVOLTING" :/

well today we all girls were sitting in the cafe n listening to the songs....as today was honey Singh special :P (I really don't understand what's special about it seriously) -_- anyways so we spent the whole "canteen time" (as i like to call it) listening to the things like ....."dhoyegi tu kacche aur gande bartan" "ban mitra di whore i mean mitra di ho" "choti dress me tu bomb lagti menu" "Char bottle vodka kaam mera rozka na koi mujhe roke aur na kisi ne roka" :P n uh knw wat ......sum of my friends were also singing n cheering up "yo yo honey singhhaaaaaaaaaa " :P

Well well i know we live in India n its a democratic country...n people can say to me DAT "if uh don't like it ,,,don't listen to his music, uh haters are doing nothing but promoting him , he is popular that's why uh r jealous ,....he is the most famous rapper in international music( seriously sum one  told me DAT once :D)" n so onn BLAH BLAH BALH :p  n i also know dat he has every right to sing whatever the hell he wants  n people too have their own rights to listen whatever the hell they want :D !! so let me explain if he has his own right to sing then i think i too have  my own right to say whatever the hell i wanna say...no offence please :)

well the thing is just DAT.....i don't understand why most of his songs always have to be talking about either alcohol or girls(sexy gals in short dresses...looking like bomb or dhoing kacches n bartan  ) :P or simply whores etc etc!! I have heard LUNGI DANCE n i think its great .....so why he always have to be so forward with his lyrics!! i think many of the gals dont even have listened to his VOL1 once....i think the true fan gals shud listen to it atleast once & then let me aware of their views!! I wonder if this is his idea of being cool or he is simply being "YO YO HONEY SINGH" (i mean being himself  :P)

Anyways i dont think its my place to talk bcoz i haven't yet achieved anything (well surely will do sum day ;)  ) n awl n i agree he have got talents..its just my opinion that he should be more decent with his lyrics!!  All his songs just leave me with a expression of him being a man chauvinist pig who don't know how to respect women!! 

Heyyy there are other rappers out there too.....EMINEM is one of them n i m his huge fan!! I love him n his lyrics are always pretty decent!! even "HARD KAUR" was a lady rapper n her popular songs didn't have to be in the league of vulgarism to become "popular"  :P 

Here is sum lines from his song "BEAUTIFUL" must listen to it ..its nice :)

But you'd have to walk a thousand miles

[Chorus:]
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's minds
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, oh
They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
Oh, they can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you, yeah, so...

STAY Beautiful yeah :D


Its always sumhow end up about "girls" n i hate that!! REALLY!!  Well Anyways if any of "honey Singh" fans are reading this then please don't mind..its just my own opinion ..may be bcoz i m a feminist...or maybe i m a normal girl who have met guys who thinks gals are awll about face n body n beauty !! i think a beauty of a girl can be defined in many ways (well if you have find a nice one that is) well let me tell i m not at all a corny type ohkk but i definitely cant promote his sense of humour!! 

well my blabbering ends here ..ta ta buhbye!! cya :) 

n yeah...stay beautiful ;) or handsome :D

I Am a Woman Against Feminism

hey friends i was just surfing through the youtubes for entertainment n came across this one!! i completely agree with her even if i m a feminist!! i truely believe a woman shudnt seek to be equal wid men....but shud work on creating her own identity in this world..!! there is so many things that a woman is better at..n a woman shud make the most of it!! being a feminist doesnt means uh have to participate in rally n shout woman rights n awl!! it means doing wat uh want to do n achieving wat uh want to achieve...... not for proving urself  to others but for urself!! for ur own happiness!! a independent woman doesnt have to shout or argue......people must see her thoughts in her actions , in herself!!1  .....it means treating everyone equally n be proud of who uh r!!  

:)

ohkizz enough of my ranting ....ja ne !! cya!! 

THE ORIGINAL PHENONENAL WOMAN!! :) BY- Maya Angelou

hii frnds...i knw its too early for a new post bt cant helped it!! i found this poem while reading sumone else's bloG!! i knw i m simply copying it here from her's but seriously loved it!! this blog was named as "mukulika musing" n i loved this one!!

In olden days the roles of men n women were predefined!! a gal shud b like this n and a boys shud be like dat!! but as time is changes..women are willing to break the norms!! modern woman have enough guts to go out there n chase her dreams :) aj ki naari knows exactly what she wants n how to get it!! todays woman is not only gud with the housing chores but know her way through the company presentations!! she had become smart, daring and beautiful :)

gone were the days wen the most important in a woman's lyf was her virginity. the days where her cooking skills matter more then her feelings!! where being beautiful was everything to her..when her body used to define her more than her soul!! today's woman have become independent n knows her self Worth..bt still our society has long way to go..:) so enough of my ranting!! here is the poem!!

                          A PHENOMENAL WOMAN!! :)

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size  

But when I start to tell them,

I say,

They think I’m telling lies.

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,  

The stride of my step,  

The curl of my lips.  

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,  

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,  

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.  

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.  

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,  

And the flash of my teeth,  

The swing in my waist,  

And the joy in my feet.  

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered  

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,  

They say they still can’t see.  

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,  

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.  

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.  

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,  

The bend of my hair,  

the palm of my hand,  

The need for my care.  

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

gudnite to uh awl!! have a nice sleep!! ja ne ;)

BiRtHdAy bLaSt!! ;) :D

HI Friends!! Had a awsum blossom day yesterday!! uh know as day before yesterday ie 5th of July ....was my birthday. Well  i m more of a homely person...n rarely celebrate my birthdays uh knw ..weird?? i know but that's the way i m :P :D anyways so..as i always do on my birthdays ..i was planning to spend it with a book, a glass of cold coffee and of course my bed :P :D but it didn't happen that way ..:P i got a call from my friend...bitch1 aka shraddha (oye don't mind her name..she's such a sweetheart ^_^) n she was  practically screaming on the phone ...(god save my ears O>O)

Our convo was like this  
 she = > "Niks today's Ur bday..:D??" 
 Me => "OH shit Sherlock!! uh r so intelligent :P "  
 she= Oyee kutti.here i m so happy for uh n wishing uh awl d way in the morning n uh r not even grateful" 
 me =>  "Oh thank uh my lady...mai tera yeh ehsaan kaise chkaungi :P now Wat's d deal for calling so early??"
she => "oye lazy ass stop slacking off...nw say where is d party?? :P "  
 me => "Wat party?? :P forget it..i m gonna sleep today"    
 she ="haha i knew uh wud say that that's why we all had already planned the party at               woodcastle....today sharp 2:00 pm, first lunch then mall , everybody is gonna be there n we awll r ..gonna have a full blast :P :D be sure to be there on time ...n yeah treat is on you :P :D, TATA n happy birthday ;) :P :D "

n hence i did finally end up being there....:P n yeah we really did have a blast!! i m really grate full to that bitch for being such a bitch :P (sweetheart) n throwing me such an awsum party!! ^_^ really one of the most memorable days of my life.....here r sum clicks :D

Really it was awsum day.....had so much fun after a long time :D did i tell uh that we r school buddies?? i guess not ..hehe well we awl were in the same school....but then went our own ways for colleging and awl.....the one who is wearing specs on my right is my best friend  :D she is still in college wid me...the one on my left is the bitch i was talking about ;) beautiful ne?? :D i know she is really a darling...the the one at the corner is ishita..she is currently studying medical  from Russia n came here on holidays....the last n the least is shubhangi she is also in the came college as me n really a good friend :) there r a lot more in this lill (mind uh :P ) gang of mine bt they all are currently out of the city.....hence we five were the only once..bt it wasnt fun any less :D 

i m not much of a social person bt still i believe that at the end of the day..if uh have people in Ur lyf to love n care for..then lyf is good ;) uh r blessed :D

Here my last pic ....they r gems of my lyf.they make me feel grateful n happy :) as a saying goes - happiness is nothing if uh don't have people to share with.....;) i m fortunate enough to be blessed with such great friends!! 

hehe sorry bt can't help this one..its pakka last okizz   :D. actually we awl were trying to make sexy pout faces.....but we ended up making these totally "not" sexy duck faces :P :D ...hahaha!! :P  had a loads of fun!! now m wrapping up this post!! AS for my bday wish..i wish happiness n well being of awl!! amen ^_^

sorry fr the swearing..:D tata ..Bobbye..Tc :)

Sharapova V/S Indians :P seriously?? :|

Ohioooo buddies!! surprised??didn't expect me so soon :P well  m surprised too!! :P anyways i m suddenly having this urge to write after hearing about THE WORLD WAR III i mean war between sharapova n sachin shipping fans!! lol i didn't knw how i shud react after reading awl DAT shit about ms sharapova just because she didnt knw who the greatt "sachin tendulkar" is!! :P

i mean seriously?? O.o after reading comments on her facebook's official page..i was dumbstruck !! i mean i seriously didn't knw if i shud be laughing hard or simply feel embarrassed :P gawd.....people were bashing her so badly ...some had even called her names like slut or sex bomb....just because she was ignorant of "The great Indian cricket "GOD"  sachin"  Whats the big deal....is this really such an issue??

well don't get me wrong i m a huge sachin fan n i ship him too......but going to such extent to criticize sum one who doesn't know him...i simply cant get that :/ I think sharapova is awsum too....afterawl she had won grand slams n awl!! how can being her not knowing mr tendulkar can make her a dumb n useless person....its so wrong!!
people should grow up.....n more likely they shud understand that by commenting such things n being an ass on social networking sites doesn't make them or Indians any great. Its just spoiling the reputation of indians n simply embarrassing our country in front of the whole world :( so what if she don't know the cricket's GOD :P is it a crime??...ab suli pe chadaoge kya.??..-_- its simply because Russians don't play cricket., maybe she don't have enuf time to learn things about other sports or maybe she is simply not interested!! why so much "hungama"over this :P Russians have their own sports n their own popular players...do we know about them?? i don't think so....:P

i think currently India have more pressing issues than this....poverty line isn't getting down, girls are still being harassed, corruption is still here, prices r hiking day by day,unemployment n wat not!! why don't such people start considering these problems rather than fretting over such things!! I wish i can go to each one of them n can shout really hard in their ear "GROW UP N GET A LIFE PEOPLE...STOP BEING CHILDISH N EMBARRASSING US" :D  i think even Mr Sachin wudnt have mind so much..really!! ^_^

PEACE PEACE PEACE!!!  :D Phewwww..............(sighs)
anyways so my ranting is over here n now m off to sleep!! sayonara....take care!!! shubhratri :) X)

# GiRl's $ToRy!! {Part-1}

hey guyzz!! its nice to be back!! hmm well everytime i think or more like decide dat i wud write every once in a while....but i never seem to be able to do so!! well let it be....m still trying no ;) well as always my habit of overthinking everything has always been a trouble for me......bt it cant be helped i guess!! anyways...have uh guys ever thought about breaking the norms??? its much easier said than done!!

even though i m an indian n i m very much proud of it...its still i find it hard to ignore the darker aspect of this....!! yesterday i was in the college and met a friend of mine who was absent....for a long time..i came to know that she was in the hospital. it was supposed to be a secret but i was lucky that she find me considerable enough to sought my help!! :) i  came to know thats she attempted suicide which resulted in her serious condition :/

the reason was revolting enough fr me to get hike up n now m putting it awl in my words here while speaking my heart out!! she belonged to a traditional joint family where woman are supposed to behave "woman like" and man are needed to be manly in short a typical indian family!! wat happened was she had started liking a guy from the college n had been in relationship since last December! and now her family found out abt the guy!!

her whole family is in chaos n everybody is blaming her for bringing shame to her family :( as if its not enough the elders or more like the "Mards" of the family have decided that now if she has enough guts to have an affair.then she is old enough to be married off :P yeahh she is likely going to be to get maried within a year....n worst is?? without her consent!!

she was crying so hard...i wasnt able to say a word :'( i was just stunned (once again mind uh :P ) by the stupidity of a society.....who thinks marriage is the solution of everything.....!! >_< if a girl is raped...marry her off!! if a girl is getting out of control(or called so)  then marry her off!! if the guy's family arent asking for much (dahej) marry her off..who know when will be the next time they will be able to find such guy :P gosh!! i Dont know Wat kind of intelligence(or called so) they have :P

they didn't consider her dreams....even if she was in love she never did let it affect her studies.....she was one of those straight A type!! always making her family proud whether in academics or sports!!she wanted to be an IAS but now everything is ruined n wats more sad is ...she thinks she deserve this..i mean really?? do uh think she deserve her dreams being snatched away from her just because she loved sum one???

why is it always the girl who is being blamed for??this double standards are ridiculous >_< In india where we have a great number of female deities who are not only being worshipped but being feared also.....here the situation of female is so worse..its hard to believe!! In the latest surveys india is in top ten countries which are unsafe for females!! its such a shame..!!

But i guess that's how it is...or shud be !! a place where from the childhood onwards a girl is taught to endure .they are not suppose to oppose or shouldn't speak....aisa to hona hi tha!!  In India everything is much harder.....surviving in "Shining India" is  a challenge itself even more so if uh are a woman!! its like  a war for females to dream n make their dreams come true!!

hmm even after saying awl these i think i cant ignore the positive aspects...that everything is changing!! :) i know its hard to believe but i can see the change...i can see it in myself!! a little girl is trying to find her identity n prove my worth. i can see it in my friends who even through awl the troubles are still struggling!! i can see it in my family...where my mom supports me so much!! dad has given me awl the freedom to choose my own path!! i can see myself growing slowly...understanding things day by day n i can see myself being happy even with awl the struggles because i guess its life :) the good thing uh know...my another friend have gotten admission in a medical university in Russia n she is going to move there in September!!

yesterday at the get together we awl gals shared our happiness!! it was a grt moment....:) i believe each of them will fight n will find their way out of awl this mess!! i wud like to think that someday i wud breathe in india which wud be mordern...a way more than  wat it is now!! not just people having  mordern infrastructure but having mordern midsets . India is a young country n i wud surely like to have my share in developing it :)

May be sumday...i guess !! ^_^ CYA!!